Get your advent calendars out and bust off a chunk. Dust off your Boney M and Nsync christmas albums, rewind your Home Alone 2 VHS, and get ready to spread Christmas cheer for all to hear. Say whaat? It’s December mutha truckas. Christmas is coming! Presents, Jesus, Santa, all that shit. It puts me in such a holly jolly mood. I feel like building a snowman and pretending that he’s Parson Brown. I have to say though, whoever came up with the concept of Santa really screwed parents over. Why? Spoiler Alert. Santa isn’t real, and parents have to buy an extra present, and say that it’s from that big red turd,Santa. This meant that however rich your family was, determined how soon you found out that Santa wasn’t real. Why would your parents buy your spoiled little prepubescent ass an additional present when they don’t have to, right? If you grew up in a normal family, you probably found out at around 10-12 years old that the days of getting an extra present were over. If you lived in a lower income neighbourhood, you were probably 7 or 8 when you found out that in fact it was your dad who was eating your cookies, and drinking the lukewarm milk that you left by the fireplace. If you’re family is super rich, you probably still believe that Santa is real, and on his way. Santa Claus is one of the reasons why people in third world countries hate your guts. Not only have these poor young kids never even heard of Christmas, let alone this Santa character, the mere thought of them not receiving gifts while you’re getting 2 transformers instead of 1 is enough for them to grow up and want to kill you.  With that in mind, Merry Christmas!